


together

by bigstarkenergy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-10 21:41:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18416405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigstarkenergy/pseuds/bigstarkenergy
Summary: A collection of drabbles bybigstarkenergy&starksnack





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jordan is on the left, Kait is on the right.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on January 25, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/182314119177/bigstarkenergy-steves-eyes-are-beautiful-blue)!

steve’s eyes are beautiful, blue and green and gold. they’re heaven, white gates and brilliant light. tony can see his own in them, brown and wide, flames flickering in his irises.

they kiss, and it’s stardust and starlight, it is dawnbreak and a million explosions. it is heaven and hell, and tony can’t think of anything better.

 

* * *

 

tony’s eyes are the dull, dark colour of whisky and emeralds, underscored with dark lines betraying exhaustion and insomnia and regret. steve makes them gold, gloriously glimmering and brimming with manic intelligence.

they sleep soundly, moulded together from shoulder to knee, ephemeral kisses to heated skin and fingers laced together under light arctic shadows. and steve wouldn’t trade him for anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on February 7, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/182650598537/bigstarkenergy-tony-doesnt-really-trust-the)!

Tony doesn’t really trust the idea of home. 

If he thinks about it, the closest he can get are the hugs Jarvis sometimes gave him, the kisses on the forehead from Maria. But the word, home, it reminds Tony of boarding school sheets stained with tears, of a genius kid stuck in a laboratory for long hours, of empty walls and hollow compartments.

It doesn’t have the appeal for him it does most people.

But on his wedding day, with Pepper at his side, straightening his tie (she’s still better at it), Steve on the other side of the wall running through his vows, Natasha and Clint cracking jokes, Bruce nervously pacing while also grinning, Tony thinks that if home doesn’t have to be a place, this would be it.

It’s not so bad. 

He actually kind of loves it.

 

* * *

 

Steve has always wanted a home.

His mother tried her best with shaking fingers and a wide smile, smoothing down his hair and kissing his bruises better. Bucky gave him lengthy sleepovers, a constant pillar of support. And Peggy gave him hope for his perfect picket fence.

He’d always wanted a place to belong. An idyllic sanctuary of love and comfort.

The future is noisy and disjointed but his team is a steady constant. He gets caught in the crossfire of Clint and Thor’s extravagant prank wars, Natasha’s smile hidden behind her hand as Bruce watches curiously with muffled giggles for science. It’s Tony that finally gives him a home. Vibrant, flamboyant, and beautiful Tony, with his magnetic gaze that draws all the Avengers together under one roof.

He doesn’t hesitate to say _I do._

Tony is his home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on February 22, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/182994999537/bigstarkenergy-loving-steve-rogers-is-blue)!

loving steve rogers is blue, melancholy, and regret. it’s open ocean and clear skies, it’s lost souls and empty bottles. loving steve rogers is flying and drowning, it’s praying to a long lost god, it’s losing every thought, it’s too much and too slow. it’s dark and heavy, and it feels almost suffocating, except when it doesn’t, and then it feels like tony’s weightless, looking down at the world above as his head spins.

loving steve rogers is blue, and it’s beautiful.

 

* * *

 

 

loving tony stark is red, indignant and ferocious. it’s blazing flames and an unforgiving sun, it’s foreign voices and oppressive heat. loving tony stark is warm and burning, it’s self reliance, it’s losing your mind, it’s too little and too fast. it’s bright and captivating, and it feels almost unmooring, except when it isn’t, and then it feels like steve is grounded, staring up at tony, his world, as he finally finds his balance.

loving tony stark is red and it’s passionate.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on March 7, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/183307846332/lose-you)!

**lose you**

Tony stares at the flip phone, and it seems to stare back.

 _Coward_ , he hears, and he knows it’s true. _Weak_ , it whispers, and he can’t even be bothered to deny it. _Fool_ , it hisses, and at this point, Tony can’t come up with a single counter argument. 

He’s been a fool for Steve Rogers ever since he fell from the sky with the thought of blue eyes and wide, hopeless grins in his mind. 

So he picks the phone up (it’s heavy, of course it’s heavy,) and slips it into his pocket.

It feels a little like a vibranium shield to the chest, a little like ice, seeping into his bones, a little like the clang of Steve’s shield as it hit the cold, concrete floor. 

He carries the phone around for 2 years. 

It feels like holding onto a goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

**love you**

Steve watches Tony on television and Tony seems to meet his eyes through the screen.

 _Failure_ , he hears and it’s far from a lie. _Inadequate_ it whispers, he can’t argue with the haggard look on Tony’s face. _Liar_ , his damned echoic memory does a perfect impression of Tony’s smooth voice.

He’s been in love with Tony Stark ever since he almost lost him to the wormhole, taking whisky eyes and mischievous smirks with him.

He waits by the phone. He could pick it up but there’s something desperate about watching the world pass him by as he stands still.

It feels a little like the moment time slowed down as Tony’s breathing hitched underneath him, shattered glass between them and blood staining Steve’s hands.

He waits by the phone to get his heart broken.

It feels like waiting for an execution.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on March 10, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/183372664527/bigstarkenergy-tony-wants-to-burn-the-letter)!

Tony wants to burn the letter. Smash the phone. He wants to throw it off the fucking tallest building in the world, and watch as it shatters to pieces. He wants to run his hands through the ashes of the letter, and ask it, “You still sorry?”

He wants to destroy every piece of Steve Rogers he has left, but he can’t, because he’s weak, and he still loves him, and he’s so fucking weak. He wants to ruin Steve Rogers, he wants to leave him behind like he left Tony, but he can’t, because after all these years, he loves him.

He wants to burn the letter and obliterate the phone, but that wouldn’t help, he’s smart enough to know that. So instead, he memorizes every word, and he slips the phone into his pocket.

Tony can’t have Steve, but he can have every piece he left behind. 

 

* * *

 

Steve wishes he never sent that letter, or that stupid phone. He couldn’t get the words out so he shouldn’t have tried to force it anyway. He couldn’t find the perfect way to say “I’m so sorry,” so he went halfway and fucked up.

He wants to gather up every piece of Tony Stark he can get, but he can’t, because he doesn’t deserve it, he loves him, and he’s such a fucking coward. He wants Tony Stark to ruin him, just so he can see the man he’s always loved finally find some peace after all these years.

He wants to run to him, to let the consequences be damned, to leave the safety of Wakanda and tell Tony how he feels. But it’s hopeless. So instead he helps what’s left of the Avengers, he hopes Tony calls.

Steve can’t have Tony, but he can hold on to every residual feeling he has left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on March 17, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/183513668602/steve-rogers-loves-like-he-fights-its-all-or)!

Steve Rogers loves like he fights. It’s all or nothing, with him, and the more that Tony pays attention, the more he can see it.

He sees it in Steve’s eyes when Steve glances up at him, a soft, tender smile on his face. He looks at Tony like he’s precious, like he can’t take his eyes off him, like he loves him, and Tony can see that this was _never_ a choice, not for Steve. He doesn’t hesitate to run headfirst into a fight, and he doesn’t hesitate to love Tony in entirety either.

He loves with his entire soul, as if it was what he was made to do, and he does it so beautifully and so quietly that Tony would miss it if he wasn’t paying attention.

Steve Rogers runs headfirst into fights, and he gives them his entire soul. He does the same for love, giving it his all, his eyes closed, leaping with reckless abandon and with the last edge of a prayer. It’s quite possibly the most beautiful thing Tony’s ever been lucky enough to see.

 

* * *

 

 

Tony Stark loves like he builds. The sky is the limit, with him, and the more Steve pays attention the deeper he falls in love.

He sees it in Tony’s smile when Tony glances up at him, eyes sparkling and mischievous. He smiles at Steve like he’s found everything in life he’s been looking for, like he loves him, and Steve can see that nothing could ever compare, not for Tony. He doesn’t hesitate to dive into his projects, and he doesn’t hesitate to love Steve as best he can either.

He loves with everything he has, as if it was what he was built to do, and he does it so fearlessly and so recklessly, that Steve couldn’t miss it if he tried.

Tony Stark builds to solve all his problems, dirty fingers are his therapy. He builds an amazing relationship, putting in all the effort he can muster, the blood, the sweat and the tears. It’s quite possibly the most marvelous creation Steve has ever had the pleasure of experiencing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written on April 9, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/184078435512/bigstarkenergy-sometimes-love-is-this-huge)!

sometimes love is this huge, big, massive revelation, but, honestly? loving steve isn’t like that. it’s not cosmic wanting, it’s not yearning or longing or anything destined by the fates. it’s easy. it’s simple. it’s. perfect, in all the little small ways.

it’s not that tony doesn’t love steve in all the big ways, all the big messy, “here i am, love me?” kind of ways, but loving him is fantastically, beautifully simple.

it’s the “i want to spend everyday with you, not because i can’t live without you, but because you make me happy,” kind of love. it’s the “you steal the sheets and you mumble to yourself but that still makes me happy” kind of love. it’s the “there are a million reasons why we shouldn’t work and a million more why we should, and yet, i love you regardless,” kind of love. it’s simple.

it’s perfectly easy, and tony kind of loves it.

 

* * *

 

 

sometimes love is this small ebbing flow that washes over in waves, but to be frank? loving tony is the exact opposite. it’s not a slow realisation, or pining, it’s not quiet soulmates and slow smiles. it’s fast and overwhelming and everything steve wants in every way.

it’s not that steve doesn’t love tony in all the small ways too, the quiet “good mornings” and soft smiles, but being with him always feels like the whole world at his fingertips.

it’s the “you are my whole world, let me love you recklessly and fearlessly every single goddamn day until i’m empty,” kind of love. it’s the “every smile you give me lights up my whole life and i would give anything to make you laugh,” kind of love. it’s the “i love you with all your faults and i will keep loving you until my last breath,” kind of love. it’s everything.

it’s beautifully fearless, and steve adores it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written on April 17, 2019.  
> Find it [here](https://starksnack.tumblr.com/post/184263262467/bigstarkenergy-tony-wakes-up-gasping-and)!

Tony wakes up gasping and reaches up for the reactor. He pushes it in, hard, metal digging into flesh, feeling it press an imprint into his palm. He finds it ironic, the fact that this machine is what keeps him up at night, and that it’s the only thing that calms him down.

When he was 7 years old, Howard had ripped his nightlight out from its socket, claiming that he was too old “to be babied” and that it was stupid and frivolous. He’d shaken a finger at Tony and said that if Tony fixed it, there would be “consequences.”

It’s a dumb memory to think of, now that he’s in his mid forties, but it’s what his racing brain latches onto. He eventually falls back asleep, hand still pressed into the reactor, it’s faint glow lighting up his room.

He _is_ a nightlight, now. 

 

* * *

 

 

Steve wakes up, breath hitching, his fingers skittering against Tony’s reactor. He slides his fingers across the glass feeling the soft hum beneath his palm. He found it funny, the fact that the light he’d been searching for his whole life was right in front of him now.

When he was 7 years old, he had slept back to back with Bucky, shivering in the cold, trying to control his ragged breathing and hacking coughs. There has been night where his lips turned blue in the dark as he struggled for each breath like a fish out of water.

It’s silly to think about now, seventy years into the future and free from the plague of his childhood asthma, but his sleepy brain clings on to it. When he falls back asleep, his fingers are tangled with Tony’s over the warm reactor.

Tony is the light of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> [Jordan](https://bigstarkenergy.tumblr.com) & [Kait](https://starksnack.tumblr.com)  
> Check out our work on Tumblr!


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